I won't be doing any writing on this for a while now. I've got meself a proper job with a suit and a tie and a pen and a clipboard and free plastic knives. Jack Street is cleaning up his name, his reputation and all the dirty parts of his body.
I work for the PINKERTONS now as Executive Search Researcher and I have a plate on me desk that proves it. It's like what I've been doin' anyway the past few years except now I don't have to worry about the guards yanking me chain (not me dick, me actual chain) or else them wheelchair traffic warden lads hasslin me or else the inclement weather playing havoc with me do. Speakin' of me do, Miss Blaise says I have to get rid of it 'cos its an eye impalement risk. RIP Jack's do.
Speaking of wheelchair lads, Hamish Lane can fuck off and all. That little Scottish wheelchair lad stole me turf from out under me eyes. Well, this is the last thing I'll write on me blog but now that I'm on the good side of the law (GO PINKERTONS says Jack) that little fuckin' wheelchair lad is goin' down if its the last thing I do. I'm gonna use all me research and prove that he's doing crimes (and handjobs to lads) in that lane and I'll make sure the arm of the Pinkertons pulls him out of that wheelchair.
PS.S I have to retell ye that I have nothin' against wheelchair lads. Only Hamish Lane and them fuckin' wheelchair traffic warden lads. I've nothin' against traffic wardens either, I love that friendly lad with the tache who hangs around outside the post office.
I won't be writing anymore on this about the matter or won't be writing nothing about nothing anymore. If ye want me, the official channels are JStreet@Pinkertons.ie and I have a Linkedin profile and one of them Twitters, but i can't fuckin' use it, so don't contact me on that unless you're Perez Hilton.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Jack Street has work to do.
Stupid Signs:
Dem local elections signs were all down me lane and dey were all annoyin me, especially dat young lad with all the cocks drawn over his face so I decided to best way to solve the problem was to RUN FOR LOCAL ELECTION MESELF!!1. I have years of expeerence beena small town traderer and respected local raconteur and anecdotalist. I am using fully recycled signs. Basically I just drew me own face over McSmithwicks's head with a magic marker. I tried to write em on his van but theres always people around watching when they do park in them handicap spaces.
Me Objectives:
Get no more trucks through me laneway..
I wouldn't mind stoppin' dem Romanians from going into me laneway
I wouldn't mind openin' up them international relationships with them Romanians and seein about getting em beggin' in their own country. And takin' all their harmonicas with them.
I also want open up dem international relationships with them nuclear lads in Chernobyl. I know I stole that bag of clothes from em that were left lying around and a few other things but Jack Street is sorry now and he'll get all them clothes back. All Jack Street needs do is steal all the knacks clothes when they're swimmin' in a river of a hot day. Them knacks well don't like Jack Street. Jack Street don't care. Its just me own way of recyclin'!
Open up international relationships with them knacks.
NO MORE TAXES!
The Dead Cat:
There was a dead cat down the bottom of me lane the past two days at the back of Noel Lovejoy's Antique Emporium. I poked him a few times
with me cane. He was well dead
Hamish Lane Smokes Pink Cigars:
That little fuckin scottish cripple has been spreadin shit about Jack Street again. don't have nothin' against them wheelchair lads but if he keeps sayin slander against Jack Street he'll be pulled out of his wheelchair and the tires'll get slashed with me Argos Stanley knife. I dont care how much of a Leith crew he has, ill stab the Irn Bru lovin face off them anyway and then him fuckin wheelchair lad. He said Jack Street was the host of the opening of the gay nightclub and I was kissin men on the door. Theres not even a half truth in that. A quarter maybe. And he keeps tryin to put his sick ginger scottish whores on Jack Streets turf during holiday season when all them yanks are lookin for directions,. ya shud hear the mouths on these whores Jack Street aint ever heard such sick ginger filth. if this keeps up Jack Street is gonna spray paint cocks all over his turf jus like I did that young lad in the elections.
The Ganje:
Legalise the ganje is what them drug campaigner lads say. They have my support. When Jack Street was stuck for an ounce I stole it out of one
of thems pockets when they were marchin. I want to keep dem marching because their well handy for pick pocketin. all stoner college students they are. They dont believe in belts so Jack Street believes in fleecin them. Them lads are well off anyway, they have fat girlfriends and small flats with proper mattresses and beans. LEGALISE THE GANJE says Jack Street.
I would also like to thank Father Willy Mernagh for tellin me how to spell ""raconteur"" and "anecdotalist'' and also for turning on me
computer for me. Plugs are small, ya'd forget about em. Hes a good lad is Fatherr Willy Mernagh Jack Street'll have no bad word about them preest fellas. Apart from the ones who did all the orphan touchin. ill have no bad word about that Michael Jackson lad either. He did some
good tunes when he was a black fella.
Sortin Out Me Laneway:
Hello Streetaphiles. They kicked Jack Street out of Jack Street's laneway for a while there and me didn't know why. I was all shoutin' and protestin' but some VJ monkey swung a shovel at me so I ran off. Word on the street is that the Corpo are putting in new paving slabs. I blame them trucks parking in for the titty bar. They're well massive and have them wheels on them. Sign me online petition to pedestrianate Jack Street's laneway. Use a pencil cos otherwise you'll have to Tippex the screen.
Hamish Lane Smokes Pole:
Hamish Lane has been spreading rumours about me, saying I was caught kissing ten men in me laneway but that's well a lie. Jack Street don't kiss no men. Or boys. Or even wans with taches. Hamish Lane is just jealous cos I have me own advert on the telly and he's still handin' out flyers. A reliable source tells me that he smokes pole so he does. What are ya gonna do Hamish? Wheel after me in your wheelchair? NOTE: Jack Street has nothin' again the wheelchairers but I don't like that Hamish Lane and it just so happens that he's a wheelchair lad. He smokes loads of pole in that wheelchair of his so he does.
The truth about me arrest:
People are saying that Jack Street have it in bad for them V.P.I. lads and that's why I got all that community service. Well I'm not saying nothing to no one about nothing except that Jack Street is a professional hired to do a job and that's what Jack Street did. And that Ned Savage is a psychopath, fucksakes, ya wouldn't work an Oompa Loompa or a Romanian the way he worked Jack Street. There's somethin' wrong about making a man pick up dirty syringes with his teeth. A formal complaint has been bricked through his window and that's all Jack Street is going to say about that. Except me hair is back to normal thanks to the Pritt Stick.
Pinkertons in town...wtfuck???!!!
Jack Street can honestly say, hand on heart, that he's never heard nothin' at all about Pinkertons (the greatest detective franchise in the world) comin' to our town. But I heard they've got pink ties. And tasers. And I heard one of them has three nipples. But I aint ever heard nothin' to do with them so I don't.
Jack Street's Website
I have one of them websites now so check it out here on this page here wwwJackStreetHasPanache.com CALL NOW..... TODAY
Redundancies In the Informant Business:
Fans of mine, like Ma Street and Auntie Geraldine, have been wondrin how Jack Street will make a living with all this recession actin' the bollocks. But don't worry, snitching and informing is practically a recession proof industry. Jack Street is makin' a killin' out of snitchin' on dole fraudsters and scam artists. And I'm still signing on too so Sssshhh...
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